Why I Have 8 Children

A discussion got going at our MOPs table this week on how many children we have and how each of our lives are different. Our "Mentor Mom" says to me a lot. "You're a wonderful mother, you have 8 children!" I'm not sure where she got this misconception but I'd like to clear it up right here. Having many children does not make me a wonderful mother. It gives me lots more opportunities for mistakes. Remember, God chooses the weak to show Himself strong. There was a variety of us at the table this year from 1st time moms, moms with a few children feeling tired and overwhelmed and contemplating permanent alternatives, and moms who have already shut the operation down. And then there was me. I don't fit into any of those categories. We've been called "A quiver full family" many times by families with lots of children and we've just smiled and thought "If you really knew". I wish I could say we've always trusted the Lord to bless us with the children He wanted us to have.

Here's a run down of our lack of trust in this area...

Child 1 & 2: Born out of wedlock (Still a blessing and I would not be surviving without them right now) I swore I would stay alone for the rest of my life and focus on these children. God's mercy enters and I meet my husband. He takes all 3 of us on.

Child 3: My husband wanted another baby but I used birth control to prevent this one because I was scared that my husband would love this one more being his biological child. I was feeling a little wacky and bleeding a lot so I decided to ask my doctor what the stuff was doing exactly. This will be the only time in history I've gotten the whole truth from a doctor. He said it's main job is to keep me from ovulating and thicken the uterus walls. If I ovulate anyway a "Fertilized" egg should not be able to attach to the thick wall. If it does, the chemicals in the birth control will abort the egg like a regular menstrual cycle and I will not be "Inconvenienced" by an unwanted life to care for. So, that was the end of birth control. We prayed that God would give us a baby despite our sin. Our family would not be complete without this sweet girl. Her name means "Answered Prayer".
(Note: This goes for all hormonal contraceptive. Even the copper IUD without hormones will make the uterus "Inhospitable" to a fertilized egg and your body will abort it. If you do not believe in abortion, you do not believe in these forms of birth control either)

Child 4: Breastfeeding held off ovulation for awhile. Things were pretty easy. Life was good. My husband kinda talked about another baby again and again I was scared. This time we would be joining the "My, you have your hands full" families. My husband worked a lot. I'm not sure what all my hindrances were. I ended up meeting a lady with 5 children. At the time I hadn't know anyone with that many! She was such a gentle and quiet spirit and convinced me that another baby would be a blessing from the Lord. Two days later I took a test and I was pregnant. God chose to prepare my heart first this time. This pregnancy was very difficult. Nursing was difficult. I became depressed for a few months and was pretty sure I shouldn't have anymore. But, I was nursing and not cycling so I didn't give it much thought. By the time I started cycling again, life was good. We were serving at church as a family. This little guy would go in Daddy's backpack. He was such a joy to our family and brings us joy every day.

Child 5: We were using condoms off and on depending on our moods, how life was treating us, how we were getting along, and how well behaved our children were. I cant remember the statistics on condoms but I know they are not 100%. Pregnant again. After all these babies things were prolapsing. Especially my bladder. The doctor convinced me to sign the papers to have a tubal after the baby was born. I was devastated. I felt so guilty for not being content with the 5 children God had blessed me with. I couldn't figure out why it wasn't enough. I just had no peace. At my 6 week check up, there was nothing prolapsing and my body was restored. So, why get fixed, I wasn't broken. This daughter has added life and laughter to our lives.

Child 6: The whole nursing thing didn't work for this one. I got pregnant before I started cycling again or even thinking about having another baby. This pregnancy and after were also very difficult and we were both overwhelmed and feeling done. My husband was worried about providing. I didn't think I could care for them all or spend enough time with them or home school them. He became very sick when he was born and I had just lost my best friend. I couldn't breastfeed him because my milk dried up (probably because I was so stressed). He turned out to be the easiest and calmest baby ever. He is still very mellow and has the biggest sweetest smile I've ever seen.

Child 7: I was pregnant at my 8 week check up. No time to think about it this time either. I cried and cried and cried. It was like having a baby but remaining pregnant. I went in on a Friday afternoon to get checked out and she couldn't find a heartbeat. I was sure I was going to mis-carry and my heart all of a sudden ached for this baby. I had all weekend to think about it and I prayed for a heartbeat. Monday afternoon we went to the ultrasound and there it was. I was in love again and praising the Lord for this life. My husband was relieved but absolutely sure we were done. He was feeling stretched in every direction and wanted to spend enough time with the ones we had. These last 3 were born in 2 years and 2 months. I didn't even know this was physically possible. This little guy is our "Mighty Warrior". He still adds excitement to our lives daily.

Child 8: We were not on the same page. I knew God knew better then us and was angry with my husband. I prayed that God would change someones heart. In the meantime I respected his wishes. He agreed to allow me to do some research on different forms of birth control and permanent alternatives. As I dove into this research I was even more convinced that God should be in control of this decision. Things that abort life or alter our bodies causing long term damage and health risks such as tubals and vasectomies are NOT in the Lord's plan for us. The only thing I could find that was not morally wrong was "Natural Family Planning". I believed I was in God's will by submitting to my husband and this is 100% accurate if done correctly. He agreed and I did this perfectly. We were at peace in our marriage but overwhelmed with all our little ones. Pregnant again. What! How could God do this! I felt so alone. I was this mother of many children and it's not what my husband wanted. I did not want to do this alone. He was still a big help and loved our babies but his heart was to be done maybe a couple of babies before this. I wrestled with the Lord on this one and even questioned my faith. It didn't seem right. God let me fight until I wore out and hit my knees. I surrendered the situation to Him because there was nothing else I could do. I loved this baby and was secretly happy to be pregnant. The very next day, my husband came home. I was sitting on the couch feeling very defeated. My husband knelt in front of me and said "I was wrong. It's God's job." "We are to trust Him with everything. Where we live, work, what we eat, provision, and this too." He has not wavered on this. Not once. He absolutely adores this little girl and I know she reminds Him of God's faithfulness and mercy. Her name reminds us that not even the lilies of the field have to worry. How much more us. Her smile brings the sunshine in the darkest hardest of days. God knew we needed that. He knows what we need so much more then we could ever imagine and I am so grateful to him for showing us mercy and not giving us what we thought we wanted.

My heart now:
God never cursed anyone with a child in the bible. Children are always a blessing from the Lord.

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord. Psalm 127:3

I have only met 2 people so far that did not regret closing their wombs. One has since changed her mind and her arms and womb are empty. Her heart aches over that decision (One she made while pregnant, tired, hormonal, and overwhelmed) every day and I'm begging you not to do this to yourself. The other person still has a baby so we'll see in a few years.

There are three things that will not be satisfied, Four that will not say ENOUGH. Sheol, and the BARREN WOMB. Earth that is never satisfied with water, And fire that never says enough. Proverbs 30:15-16

Breastfeeding will most likely give you a natural space between babies if you do it the way God intended. It is not a scheduled thing or burden. Our babies know when they need to nurse. God gave them that instinct. He relates himself to a nursing mother in Isaiah. It is not just food but comfort also. God says so.

That you may nurse and be satisfied with her comforting breasts, That you may suck and be delighted with her bountiful bosom. For thus says the Lord, "Behold, I extend peace to her like a river, And the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; And you shall be nursed, you shall be carried on the hip and fondled on the knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; And you shall be comforted in Jerusalem".

Nursing babies gives us such a beautiful picture of the way God cares for us. It's not just food.

If God wants us to trust Him for everything and not lean on our own understanding then why would this be an exception. Birth control is the world's idea. We are to be set apart from the world.

Indeed we had the sentence of death within ourselves in order that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead. For our proud confidence is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in holiness and godly sincerity, not in fleshly wisdom but in the grace of God, we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially toward you. 2 Cor 1:9&12

We should never make decisions based on fleshly wisdom.

Jesus came to serve. If we think we need a break or we long for our children to grow up so we can do more things for ourselves we are not living as Christ did. Should raising little ones be something that we suffer through? Or do you hear older women saying "Enjoy it now. It goes by too fast."

I will not judge you because I still do not always trust the Lord. My heart is to stop you from doing something you will wish everyday you didn't. Seek the Lord. Ask Him for the wisdom He promises and search His word. We can not make decisions based on how we feel. My italicized words were the things we were going by. Scared, feelings, guilty, worried, etc. When you've got morning sickness, or your tired from being up all night with the baby, or you're overwhelmed because your little ones are everywhere and out of control is not the time to make decisions like this. We're not to live by how we feel but on God's truth. The blessings will be so much more and our lives will be fuller. Satan wants to cut off Godly seed. He doesn't want us Christians multiplying as God told us to do and he's succeeded. When we spend our lives doing what He designed us to do despite what the world thinks, then we are truly blessed and content.

Quick Update!

After I posted last night a lot has changed. We went to our weekly lactation meeting today and Lily took almost 3 1/2 ounces at breast all by herself!!! The new plan is to nurse her whenever she wants and not supplement. I'm praying to my faithful God that she still gains weight. We made it!!!! My family had a party tonight with chinese food, ice cream, and grape juice to celebrate all our hard work. I couldn't have done it without them! I would have taken a picture but some of them weren't dressed due to the laundry situation (just kidding), and I can't find my memory card in the mess that was once my organized desk.

I've told the Lord many times through this situation that I refuse to stop asking. I decided to bug Him until He answered me. Now, I'm realizing that my nursing issues are probably the only times that I pray without ceasing and that's definitely something to think about...

Struggling or Praising?

I'm not sure how to title this entry. I go back an forth at any given moment between "Struggling" with what God has placed on me and "Praising" Him for my many blessings. Lily is the sweetest little blessing. She is so peaceful and content most of the time.

She is just really really terrible at nursing. For 8 weeks now I nurse her, then I give her a bottle to fill her tummy, and then I pump for 15 min. Eight times a day, day and night, nurse, bottle, pump, nurse, bottle, pump...I pray over and over that God would relax her tongue and put it where it's supposed to be so that it will be EASY, and He replies, "My grace is sufficient for you". Two days after she was born I came down with a serious infection. I went to the emergency room with with my tiny little baby and horrible shakes and fever. After many tests, they diagnosed me with a uterus infection and put me on 3 different antibiotics. A couple days later we discovered it was not in my uterus but in my intestines instead. I had to go on a liquid diet and my milk almost dried up. "Please Lord" I begged. Let this be EASY so I can get back to taking care of my family and he replied, "My grace is sufficient for you". We developed thrush which added to our nursing problems, it lasted 5 weeks. I tried everything to no avail and begged the Lord to take it away and he replied, "My grace is sufficient for you". Then came the kidney infection, more antibiotics and more thrush. Nothing about this has been EASY. Yet, this peace that surpasses all understanding consumes me. My husband is wonderfully supportive, my children have risen up and taken care of things I never imagined, and my baby is healthy and growing. So I have to constantly decipher between lies and truth.

Lie: I'm not doing my job because I had another baby.
Truth: I'm doing what's most important right now. My job was to train my children for such a time as this.

Lie: My older children are doing way too much and should have more time for play.
Truth: They are learning valuable life skills, learning to be servants, and they know that they are valuable members of this family and that I couldn't do this without them.

They have whole home school curriculum on learning to be a homemaker. We won't be needing that. My 10 year old daughter just planned a menu for the month. While I nursed the baby she came up with meals from food we had in the house, and made a grocery list for the rest. She looked up recipes from our books and online. She feels a huge sense of accomplishment when she makes a meal from the list and everyone tells her how great it is. My son's wife will thank me one day that he knows how to change diapers and do laundry. Where else would they get these skills. I didn't even know how to cook when I got married. And I can't take credit for all of this. These things have come about because of my insufficiency's and because God's grace IS sufficient for me. His power is perfected in my weaknesses. He provides what we need. He's had a plan all along and I'm so glad He doesn't listen to me when I think it should go differently.



Someday I'll get back to blogging about how to get it all done, but right now, if you came to my house you wouldn't make it in the front door without tripping over a mess. Some of my children will be naked due to the laundry not getting done. I'm still having some minor health issues and she's still terrible at nursing but she's worth all the effort. I mean, look at her!

Meet My Amazing Children (Elijah and Gideon, The almost twins)

These little guys are only 10 months apart. They're almost twins and are always together so I have to put them together here. They are either playing together or getting into something together ALL day everyday.

This is Elijah...

This little guy had the most problems at birth. Baby number six and was going to be our last. We outgrew our van with this one and moved into our big orange school bus. This was not an exciting thing for my husband. As if people didn't stare at us enough. Now they just wonder if we're on some kind of weird field trip. He was unable to nurse on his own so I was supplementing and pumping. We made the horrible mistake of getting him circumcised in the hospital 24 hours after he was born. He did not do well with this at all. He bled a lot and a couple days later it became seriously infected. Because he wasn't eating well he also wasn't healing well. I took him to the doctor and he had a bad fever and a rapid heart rate. They sent him directly to intensive care where they informed me they thought the infection had gone to his blood stream and it was serious. We had a stab wound in the bed on one side of us and a suicide attempt on the other side. We're in the hospital with this tiny, tiny baby and they're telling me that my baby has the same thing that my best friend died from 3 months prior. All I kept thinking was "No God". You can't do this. You took her and you can't have him. I don't know if it was that serious but my wounds from Annie were so fresh and had shaken my faith so hard that the whole situation was more than I could bare. They gave him some serious antibiotics and he got better really, really fast. We brought him home and I began again to try and teach him how to nurse. In the first 2 weeks of his life we had a doctors appointment or hospital visit every day between his jaundice and infection. During this same time my oldest son got stabbed in the head with hammer. We failed at nursing. My milk dried up completely by time he was 6 weeks old. I was devastated more than I could ever describe and I ended up pregnant again by the time he was 8 weeks old. (Good thing we had that school bus!) It's also a good thing God doesn't do things the way I think they should be done all the time. Sometimes he has a greater plan then I can imagine.

This little guy went from this tiny baby to a big brother in 10 months. He is so sweet and patient with his little brother and just adores his new baby sister. He is my one calm child. He prefers to stay close with the family and away from strangers. I never have to worry about him wandering off. If Gideon takes his toy or smashes his block tower he most likely will say, "No, no Gideon, please stop". I love this boy!

Which brings me to Gideon...

It means mighty warrior. And boy does it fit him. Sorry Elijah. He loves to wrestle. And Elijah loves it too. He just would prefer to have some warning before Gideon charges from across the room and tackles him from behind. These two roll around on the floor together daily with great big smiles. It is the cutest thing!
My pregnancy was pretty uneventful. Gideon was born a little early and had a hard time nursing also but we overcame that after about 4 weeks. He has always had a mind of his own and has always been a fighter. I know that this little guy will be a mighty warrior for God one day. We just have to get his bullets firing in the right direction. (Thanks Alysun's Grandma for the great analogy! It's encouraged me many times!) He's currently learning how to talk. I love this stage! He finally learned the word "Yes" and has stopped saying "No" to everything. He's gives the sweetest kisses and loves his new baby sister. This guy keeps us on our toes and keeps us laughing.

Meet My Amazing Children (Hannah)

I was in Arizona with the kids visiting my parents when I found out I was pregnant again. Towards the end of pregnancy my midwife said my bladder was prolapsing pretty bad and I needed to see the doctor. The doctor convinced me that this should probably be my last baby. I signed the papers to have my tubes tied along with my bladder surgery. We planned to do it after my recovery. I was completely devastated. I asked God over and over to give me peace and this is one prayer He didn't answer. I felt so convicted for not being content. I was truly blessed to have 5 healthy little blessings. What did I have to complain about? However, I was relieved that He was making it clear to me what His will was for this area of my life because I had been back and forth about it our whole marriage so far.

I went into labor in the middle of the day. A friend came to sit with the kids and once again, I got to the hospital and my contractions stopped. I told the nurse I probably wasn't that far along and kinda wished I had stayed home a little longer. She checked me and said "Well, it's a good thing you didn't, you're at 7cm". The rest of the labor went really smooth. A rare thing for me. I delivered Hannah in my husband's loving arms and it was the most beautiful experience of my life. I felt like God was just allowing me to finish well. I treasured this gift in my arms thinking it would be my last and wishing I had treasured my others as much. Nursing actually went pretty well and the six week recovery flew by.



This was the start of a very bad habit but it blessed me so much to watch.


I went in for my check up and ended up with a different doctor. The prolapsing was gone. The doctor said she saw no reason to get my tubes tied unless that's what I truly wanted. So, since neither one of us were at peace about it, we didn't and I am so glad.

Hannah Banana was the easiest baby in the world. She was itty bitty and quiet. She continued to drop off the growth chart weighing in at 16 lbs at her one year check up, which of course caused some concern but after many, many tests, she was fine. Just tiny. I'm not sure when everything transitioned but her energy began to reach all new levels that I had never seen before in any of my children. She never was a long sleeper but she seemed to need much, much less then anyone else in the house. By this point I was beginning to think I had this parenting thing down. I was confident that I could train any child to sleep in a big girl bed within 3 days. I was consistent and up until this point, more stubborn and persistent then them. Hannah still doesn't stay in her bed 100% of the time. She still needs less sleep and has more energy then anyone else but after much prayer, many tears, lots of failures, some wins, and lots and lots of consistency and love, I've learned to enjoy her the way she is. I've decided that God has mighty plans for this mighty little girl if she can learn to be obedient to Him. He created her and He knows the plans he has for her and I can trust that they are good. When I begin to lose my patience and feel like she is out of control, it's usually because I'm not spending enough time filling up on God's Word and His love so I'm impatient and out of control. God knows what we need. There have been times on my journey with Hannah that I felt like a complete failure as a mom and was pretty sure I shouldn't have anymore children. Had God asked me I would have refused. I'm so glad he has good plans for me too and even more glad He doesn't always check with me first because I AM a failure as a mom, but ONLY without Him.

One more of that joyful smile, and yes, she cuts her own hair.

Meet My Amazing Children (Josiah)

My favorite memory of this little guy is the day he asked me to marry him. He was about 4 years old and was absolutely devastated when I told him it was impossible due to the fact that I was already married. I started having very barable labor pains sometime in the afternoon with him. I decided to take a nice warm shower and relax. I was still somewhat traumatized from my last experience and there was no way I was going to go to the hospital and get sent home without a baby again. I swore I wouldn't go in there until I was ready to push. About an hour later my husband and oldest son started becoming very uncomfortable with the way I was moaning and groaning. I still refused to leave and John preceded to put shoes on my feet. When I saw Nathan was getting upset I decided I better go. I gripped the dashboard the whole 5 min. to the hospital. John pulled up to the front and walked me in. He asked if he had time to go park the car and I grumbled, "Of course, we've got lots of time since you made me come so early. I think the contractions are stopping!" This was all a little too familiar. I got checked into a room and the nurse decided she wanted to check me first being that this was my 4th baby. I laid on the table and told the nurse, "Please give me good news". She looked at me and said, "You're 9cm, no make that 10!" I wasn't even in a delivery room yet so she threw me in a wheel chair and began running through the hallway. We met John somewhere by the elevator as I felt this horrible urge to push. All I could think about was holding out until we got to that bed. As I lay down I here a voice say, "Hold on, don't push, your water hasn't broken yet. Doctor is almost here." "What! Don't push! Do you want me to cross my legs?" Ten minutes went by and by this time I was screaming and grabbing at people telling them they had better get someone in there now! "Then, this sweet angel of a nurse comes and whispers in my ear, "You go ahead and push honey, I've delivered them in the water bag before". I'm laughing as I'm writing this because that was music to my ears back then. I pushed and pushed. About 10 more minutes goes by and the doctor walks in. She gets her gloves on, and her pocket starts ringing. She tells the nurse she has to take the call and asks her to put it up to her ear. Yup, she answered the phone!!!! I'd been sitting there waiting 20 minutes at 10cm for her to break my water and she has a phone call first. John and I just looked at each other in bewilderment. (Now that I think about it, this is like the outrageous labor dreams I've been having lately since I've reached my third trimester) So, when she was done with her chat she breaks my water, out comes my baby and I fell in love again. Total labor, 1 hour 42 min. If you erase the 20 min. of waiting it would have been shorter. He was the sweetest little thing with a receiding hair line and a squished nose from sitting in the birth canal so long and I was in love again.


Here he is on his 1st Birthday.

This little guy is 5 now. He thanks God for his brothers every night and comes and snuggles us every morning. He is the first one done with his chores every day because he wants to be a hard worker like his Daddy someday. I took him to Walmart with me the other day. There was this very tall older man coming out the door. When he saw us he held the door open. Josiah went and stood right next to him to hold the door open for me, looks up at this giant, and say's "It's okay, I got it." He loves to hear the baby's heartbeat. We have a buddy system pairing up our older children with younger children when we are out and about. He's decided he is big enough to be Lily's buddy. She is one blessed little girl to have a big brother love her so much when he hasn't even met her yet and I am one blessed Mommy.

This whole series has been really great for me. I'm having to remember wonderful details of how each of my precious children came to be. This will be great to look back on when I'm having one of those days when I forget what I'm doing this for. I'm realizing again how blessed I am to have these truly amazing children.

Meet My Amazing Children (Anina)

This is our "Fancy Nancy". My mom bought her the book when she was about 3 and I don't know if it's the book's fault that she insists on being fancy or if she was just born like that and the book fit her well. Either way, if you ask her to set the table, she gets into the china cabinet and you get the works. Candles and all. If you tell her to get dressed for PE you have to be extremely specific or she will come down in a pretty skirt and her PE shoes with her hair done fancy. The great thing about this is that she is now in charge of getting Hannah (3) dressed and Hannah absolutely loves it! She is the best big sister. I have never once heard her get frustrated with any of the little ones and she did not get this from me. She talks in the sweetest voice every time no matter what they are doing. They all respond really well to her too. (Interesting how that works....) John and I had been married for exactly a year when this precious little girl was born. Her name means "Answered prayer". I really didn't think I was worthy of being so blessed. I was married to the most wonderful man and having a baby the right way! It was such a different experience to have someone there with me. The pregnancy was pretty uneventful and that was sure new. I had my stitch removed at 37 weeks. Dilated immediately to 4cm. Went for a few walks and went right into labor within 24 hours. Went to the hospital and it stopped. Getting sent home had to be one of the most disappointing experiences of my life. I went to bed even though the contractions had started back up again. "I'll show them," I thought. "Send me home. I'm not going back until it's time to push." It became too much to just lay there so I got in the shower. I shaved my legs and washed my hair. I stayed in there until I ran out of hot water. By that time I could barely get dressed. My husband convinced me that it was time to go to the hospital. I was pretty sure he was right so we got back to the hospital and I had made it to 5 whole cm. "Are you kidding me!" She was face up as Nathan had been and if you've ever experienced this you feel like you are in transition the whole time from the back labor. I told the doctor but he said I was wrong. The rest is kind of a blur until it was time to push. I pushed and pushed and pushed and the doctor says, "You are not pushing hard enough." "What!" Did this guy realize that he was right by my foot! Who tells a woman in labor that she's not doing a good enough job? "I tried to explain to him again that she was not in the right position but what did I know. He was the professional. The he says, "I think this baby must be really big". Well, I finally got her out. All 7 lbs of her. Face up and lots of stitches but I didn't care anymore. This baby was so beautiful. Her hair was so long that we had to put it in a barrette to get her hospital pictures taken. She had the biggest eyes we had ever seen and never, ever cried. She is 7 years old now. Her love language is definitely "Physical touch". She doesn't just hug you. She squeezes until you "Know" you are loved. She rubs Daddy's back every morning (He's "Physical touch" too). And Gideon, our littlest guy, will go up to her and lift up his arms and say "Up". Then he'll lay his little head on her shoulder. This blesses a Mommy's heart more than anything. I really need to try and get a picture of it now that I think about it.

Meet My Amazing Children (Melaina)

This is My precious Melaina. I love the way her eyes disappear when she smiles. I could not survive without this girl. You will here me say this 5 more times at least but, this girl is amazing!!! When Nathan was just 9 months old I found out I was pregnant again. I was still not married, my life was still a wreck but I was excited. Although, I was really unsure as to how I was going to possibly love anything as much as I loved Nathan. I was really worried about this. Life got really complicated for me and I ended up very, very alone with my little guy and this baby on the way. I was blessed to have a job working at home on the computer but I really did not have much contact with the outside world. I had my routine ultrasound scheduled when I was about 17 weeks along. I was absolutely positive it was another boy because I wanted a girl SO bad. As I lay on that table and watched this amazing little life growing inside me the tech writes "It's A Girl" across the screen. Tears came to my eyes. I couldn't believe it! When we were finished I was informed that the doctor wanted to see me. He sat me down and explained to me that I was dilated to 1cm and 50% effaced. He said, you could lose this baby and she will not survive. We need to take you in for emergency surgery to have a stitch put in your cervix and you will have to rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. "How will I do that?" I asked. "I live alone with a toddler. I don't have any help." I didn't know it at the time but this doctor knew the Lord and he was very sympathetic to my situation. I got saved not to long after this and God used this situation to show me how REAL He was. He met every need every day and I learned to rely on him because I could not provide for us nor could I physically care for Nathan. Somehow we got through each day. I went into early labor quite a few times. I lived on medication to keep the contractions away and one day I just reached a point where I felt like I couldn't continue like this. I hit my knees in my roach infested kitchen and cried out to the Lord for the first time in my life. I promised him if he saved my little girl I would teach her about Him. I know He doesn't need these things from us, and only He knows if we'll keep our pathetic promises or not but He honored that prayer and saved her and I am so grateful. I tore off of that stitch earlier then we wanted but for some reason she wasn't born until about 38 weeks. She crawled at 5 months, walked at 9 months and learned to read at about 4. She is always just one step behind her brother in school (Which keeps him moving thankfully) and can do just about anything to run this house. She cooks, and bakes, and cleans, changes diapers, laundry, sewing, crocheting, knitting...I could go on forever. She has a tender servant heart but is also very bold and strong at the same time. I love this girl. She is one of my greatest friends.

And I did fall in love just like the first time. It's amazing how that feeling never gets old. Never fades. Each time my precious little one is placed in my arms I cry and it is always love at first sight. I've experience it 7x and it is just as beautiful as the first.

Meet My Amazing Children (Nathan)

I really do have the most amazing children in the world!!! I've been reminded of this lately because I hurt my back and have been pretty useless for the past 4 weeks.
I'll be posting a recent picture of each of them thanks to AlysunPetersPhotography. Her prices are very reasonable and she is a great person and great with the kids. She will come to the location of your choice so there's not stressful wait with kids you're trying to keep perfect. We did this at the local park and the kids got to play when we were done. Very casual and easy. I really needed it that way. She captured wonderful pictures of all of my children and this was no easy task.

This is Nathan. Born at 33 weeks. I was told he would only be 3 to 4 pounds. They had a neonatal nurse from Phoenix children's hospital in the delivery room ready to stabilize him on his way up to the air vac. Everyone who loved him was in the room ready to say goodbye if needed and he came out a whopping 5'13 and screaming. The love that came over me when they placed him on my chest was overwhelming. As I held him he began to whimper and have rapid breaths and they rushed him off to care for him. Immediately they handed me a paper. I don't remember exactly what I was signing over at the time but something along the lines of he needs this and that and we need permission right now and you won't hold us responsible. I was a Mother for a whole 2 min. I was 18 years old and not married. Until this moment I had never cared for anything more then myself. I prayed and begged a God I didn't even know to save this child and all I could do was cry in my own Mother's arms and wait what seemed like days. After spending 12 hours on oxygen and a few days in electrolyte therapy for Jaundice I was released from the hospital with this tiny, fragile, premature baby. I had know idea how my life was going to change but it was time for me to grow up. Today he is 11 years old and about 5'8, 120 lbs. Nothing tiny about him. Especially his heart. He is the best big brother anyone could imagine. I would not survive daily life without this amazing young man. He regularly says to me "Can I cook dinner tonight mom? Is there anything I can do for you Mom? Don't lift that Mom, I'll get it." If we are in a crowd with many children, he will find the loneliest child he can and make friends. His heart is huge and loves big. I know God saved him that day because He's got great big plans for him because I sure didn't deserve for Him to answer that prayer or for Him to bless me the way that he has.

Counter Productive

"Make all negative behavior counter productive". What does this mean? I've read it a hundred times but I don't know if I was fully getting it until recently. Nathan (My almost 11 year old) says "It's like football, they've been on the offensive and us on the defense and they are about to make a touchdown. Our little ones out number the big people in the house right now. Up until recently it felt like they were beginning to take over. After, many nights crying out to God, reading my bible daily, and devouring anything on biblical child training I could get my hands on I think I'm finally getting it. I've always firmly believed in spanking my children for rebellion and foolishness. I always attempt to explain to them why they are being disciplined and give them lots of hugs and affirmation when we're done. That's counter productive for them right? I thought so, but why is it not stopping them from having the same undesirable behavior again and again. So, we've kicked it up a notch. I think we used to be really good at this but lost our way amongst the chaos.

The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29:15

So, now we ask ourselves. What is my child trying to achieve by acting this way and then, in addition to the spanking we give them the opposite. Examples below but first...

Enter, Hannah.


Calling this precious, 20 lb, 3 year old a handful would be an understatement. Besides having an energy level unlike anything I've ever seen before, she has a physical strength that exceeds her physical appearance by far. Add 2 baby brothers to her first 2 years and 2 months of life and an overwhelmed mommy, you have one hard to manage child. I've potty trained her 3 times. It took almost 2 years to train her to stay in a bed (The rest of the kids less then a week). I could go on but you get the point. Don't get me wrong. I love this little girl with all of my being. She is the sweetest little thing and the greatest big sister. She gives the best hugs and has the sweetest smile on her face 95% of the day...

Sunday (Mother's Day): We went to the park after dinner as a family and had a great time. It began to get a little chilly so as my husband finished up an intense game of tag (I love this man), I took the little ones to the car. Hannah proceeds to throw herself on the parking lot ground in protest of leaving the park before "She" was finished. I spanked her to no avail. So, I picked her up and placed her in her car seat. It took all of my physical strength to buckle this child in her seat. Normally this would throw me into despair crying all the way home to my husband. Not this time. (My husband is great at encouraging me in these times and the best teammate to have but I'm convinced that my new found energy for my family is a result of filling up on God's precious word consistently. Read Psalm 119). But, I also had a trick play she wasn't aware of. Her hopes in throwing a fit was to stay at the park or at least make us miserable for not granting her wish. Not only did I give her no emotion whatsoever for her little display but I calmly said, "Okay Hannah, you are not going to play next time we come to the park". She paused for a moment and then decided that wasn't so bad cause when would we really go to the park again and Mom will forget by then anyway. And so she continued. All the way home.

Monday (The next day): After dinner I tell everyone to get their shoes on we're going to the park. Shouts of joy from everyone! We get there and I pull out the stroller, explain to Hannah that she won't be playing because she refused to get in her car seat the day before and strapped her in. I parked her next to the playground and we all had a good time.
This was not enjoyable for me but because I love her I cannot allow these fits to continue. I know many adults, who live their lives exercising they're self will, constantly self indulging with no thought to consequences on them or those they love. And as a woman who, in my flesh can throw a great big fit when I don't get my way knows, this is not something she will grow out of on her own. I want her to learn to yield her will to do mighty things for God someday. So, as we are leaving the park I say, "Okay Hannah, get right in your seat so you can play next time". She excitedly agrees and gets right in the car but, noticing something on the floor does not get in her seat. So, I say again (which I shouldn't have done because I'm trying to mean what I say and say what I mean), "Hannah, get in you seat or you are going to lose play time next time too". I put the stroller in the trunk and come back to her climbing all over the van. "Okay, you lost your play time next time too." Fit #2 begins. Which proves that she's starting to believe me but still undesirable behavior. Same scenario as the day before. I physically put her in her seat.
Tuesday: Back to the park. Pull the stroller out. We all play in the freezing cold while she watches. Time to leave, I say, "Okay, do you want to play next time?". She nods, gets out of the stroller and climbs into her seat and buckles herself! I didn't even know she could do that! I excitedly affirm her good behavior.
Wednesday: Back to the park. Nice weather. Friends come. We have dinner. Hannah plays and plays. Time to leave and she gets right in her seat!!!

This was victory enough for me but I have not had one problem with her getting in her car seat since! Everywhere we go and every time we leave to come home she happily gets right in! Not only am I a happier Mommy in these situations but she's happy too! Some of you might be saying, "That's a lot of work". Yes, but she already was a lot of work but now it's a lot less work to go somewhere.