I'm not sure how to title this entry. I go back an forth at any given moment between "Struggling" with what God has placed on me and "Praising" Him for my many blessings. Lily is the sweetest little blessing. She is so peaceful and content most of the time.
She is just really really terrible at nursing. For 8 weeks now I nurse her, then I give her a bottle to fill her tummy, and then I pump for 15 min. Eight times a day, day and night, nurse, bottle, pump, nurse, bottle, pump...I pray over and over that God would relax her tongue and put it where it's supposed to be so that it will be EASY, and He replies, "My grace is sufficient for you". Two days after she was born I came down with a serious infection. I went to the emergency room with with my tiny little baby and horrible shakes and fever. After many tests, they diagnosed me with a uterus infection and put me on 3 different antibiotics. A couple days later we discovered it was not in my uterus but in my intestines instead. I had to go on a liquid diet and my milk almost dried up. "Please Lord" I begged. Let this be EASY so I can get back to taking care of my family and he replied, "My grace is sufficient for you". We developed thrush which added to our nursing problems, it lasted 5 weeks. I tried everything to no avail and begged the Lord to take it away and he replied, "My grace is sufficient for you". Then came the kidney infection, more antibiotics and more thrush. Nothing about this has been EASY. Yet, this peace that surpasses all understanding consumes me. My husband is wonderfully supportive, my children have risen up and taken care of things I never imagined, and my baby is healthy and growing. So I have to constantly decipher between lies and truth.
Lie: I'm not doing my job because I had another baby.
Truth: I'm doing what's most important right now. My job was to train my children for such a time as this.
Lie: My older children are doing way too much and should have more time for play.
Truth: They are learning valuable life skills, learning to be servants, and they know that they are valuable members of this family and that I couldn't do this without them.
They have whole home school curriculum on learning to be a homemaker. We won't be needing that. My 10 year old daughter just planned a menu for the month. While I nursed the baby she came up with meals from food we had in the house, and made a grocery list for the rest. She looked up recipes from our books and online. She feels a huge sense of accomplishment when she makes a meal from the list and everyone tells her how great it is. My son's wife will thank me one day that he knows how to change diapers and do laundry. Where else would they get these skills. I didn't even know how to cook when I got married. And I can't take credit for all of this. These things have come about because of my insufficiency's and because God's grace IS sufficient for me. His power is perfected in my weaknesses. He provides what we need. He's had a plan all along and I'm so glad He doesn't listen to me when I think it should go differently.
Someday I'll get back to blogging about how to get it all done, but right now, if you came to my house you wouldn't make it in the front door without tripping over a mess. Some of my children will be naked due to the laundry not getting done. I'm still having some minor health issues and she's still terrible at nursing but she's worth all the effort. I mean, look at her!