Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I was in Arizona with the kids visiting my parents when I found out I was pregnant again. Towards the end of pregnancy my midwife said my bladder was prolapsing pretty bad and I needed to see the doctor. The doctor convinced me that this should probably be my last baby. I signed the papers to have my tubes tied along with my bladder surgery. We planned to do it after my recovery. I was completely devastated. I asked God over and over to give me peace and this is one prayer He didn't answer. I felt so convicted for not being content. I was truly blessed to have 5 healthy little blessings. What did I have to complain about? However, I was relieved that He was making it clear to me what His will was for this area of my life because I had been back and forth about it our whole marriage so far.
I went into labor in the middle of the day. A friend came to sit with the kids and once again, I got to the hospital and my contractions stopped. I told the nurse I probably wasn't that far along and kinda wished I had stayed home a little longer. She checked me and said "Well, it's a good thing you didn't, you're at 7cm". The rest of the labor went really smooth. A rare thing for me. I delivered Hannah in my husband's loving arms and it was the most beautiful experience of my life. I felt like God was just allowing me to finish well. I treasured this gift in my arms thinking it would be my last and wishing I had treasured my others as much. Nursing actually went pretty well and the six week recovery flew by.
This was the start of a very bad habit but it blessed me so much to watch.
I went in for my check up and ended up with a different doctor. The prolapsing was gone. The doctor said she saw no reason to get my tubes tied unless that's what I truly wanted. So, since neither one of us were at peace about it, we didn't and I am so glad.
Hannah Banana was the easiest baby in the world. She was itty bitty and quiet. She continued to drop off the growth chart weighing in at 16 lbs at her one year check up, which of course caused some concern but after many, many tests, she was fine. Just tiny. I'm not sure when everything transitioned but her energy began to reach all new levels that I had never seen before in any of my children. She never was a long sleeper but she seemed to need much, much less then anyone else in the house. By this point I was beginning to think I had this parenting thing down. I was confident that I could train any child to sleep in a big girl bed within 3 days. I was consistent and up until this point, more stubborn and persistent then them. Hannah still doesn't stay in her bed 100% of the time. She still needs less sleep and has more energy then anyone else but after much prayer, many tears, lots of failures, some wins, and lots and lots of consistency and love, I've learned to enjoy her the way she is. I've decided that God has mighty plans for this mighty little girl if she can learn to be obedient to Him. He created her and He knows the plans he has for her and I can trust that they are good. When I begin to lose my patience and feel like she is out of control, it's usually because I'm not spending enough time filling up on God's Word and His love so I'm impatient and out of control. God knows what we need. There have been times on my journey with Hannah that I felt like a complete failure as a mom and was pretty sure I shouldn't have anymore children. Had God asked me I would have refused. I'm so glad he has good plans for me too and even more glad He doesn't always check with me first because I AM a failure as a mom, but ONLY without Him.
One more of that joyful smile, and yes, she cuts her own hair.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
My favorite memory of this little guy is the day he asked me to marry him. He was about 4 years old and was absolutely devastated when I told him it was impossible due to the fact that I was already married. I started having very barable labor pains sometime in the afternoon with him. I decided to take a nice warm shower and relax. I was still somewhat traumatized from my last experience and there was no way I was going to go to the hospital and get sent home without a baby again. I swore I wouldn't go in there until I was ready to push. About an hour later my husband and oldest son started becoming very uncomfortable with the way I was moaning and groaning. I still refused to leave and John preceded to put shoes on my feet. When I saw Nathan was getting upset I decided I better go. I gripped the dashboard the whole 5 min. to the hospital. John pulled up to the front and walked me in. He asked if he had time to go park the car and I grumbled, "Of course, we've got lots of time since you made me come so early. I think the contractions are stopping!" This was all a little too familiar. I got checked into a room and the nurse decided she wanted to check me first being that this was my 4th baby. I laid on the table and told the nurse, "Please give me good news". She looked at me and said, "You're 9cm, no make that 10!" I wasn't even in a delivery room yet so she threw me in a wheel chair and began running through the hallway. We met John somewhere by the elevator as I felt this horrible urge to push. All I could think about was holding out until we got to that bed. As I lay down I here a voice say, "Hold on, don't push, your water hasn't broken yet. Doctor is almost here." "What! Don't push! Do you want me to cross my legs?" Ten minutes went by and by this time I was screaming and grabbing at people telling them they had better get someone in there now! "Then, this sweet angel of a nurse comes and whispers in my ear, "You go ahead and push honey, I've delivered them in the water bag before". I'm laughing as I'm writing this because that was music to my ears back then. I pushed and pushed. About 10 more minutes goes by and the doctor walks in. She gets her gloves on, and her pocket starts ringing. She tells the nurse she has to take the call and asks her to put it up to her ear. Yup, she answered the phone!!!! I'd been sitting there waiting 20 minutes at 10cm for her to break my water and she has a phone call first. John and I just looked at each other in bewilderment. (Now that I think about it, this is like the outrageous labor dreams I've been having lately since I've reached my third trimester) So, when she was done with her chat she breaks my water, out comes my baby and I fell in love again. Total labor, 1 hour 42 min. If you erase the 20 min. of waiting it would have been shorter. He was the sweetest little thing with a receiding hair line and a squished nose from sitting in the birth canal so long and I was in love again.
Here he is on his 1st Birthday.
This little guy is 5 now. He thanks God for his brothers every night and comes and snuggles us every morning. He is the first one done with his chores every day because he wants to be a hard worker like his Daddy someday. I took him to Walmart with me the other day. There was this very tall older man coming out the door. When he saw us he held the door open. Josiah went and stood right next to him to hold the door open for me, looks up at this giant, and say's "It's okay, I got it." He loves to hear the baby's heartbeat. We have a buddy system pairing up our older children with younger children when we are out and about. He's decided he is big enough to be Lily's buddy. She is one blessed little girl to have a big brother love her so much when he hasn't even met her yet and I am one blessed Mommy.
This whole series has been really great for me. I'm having to remember wonderful details of how each of my precious children came to be. This will be great to look back on when I'm having one of those days when I forget what I'm doing this for. I'm realizing again how blessed I am to have these truly amazing children.