I was in Arizona with the kids visiting my parents when I found out I was pregnant again. Towards the end of pregnancy my midwife said my bladder was prolapsing pretty bad and I needed to see the doctor. The doctor convinced me that this should probably be my last baby. I signed the papers to have my tubes tied along with my bladder surgery. We planned to do it after my recovery. I was completely devastated. I asked God over and over to give me peace and this is one prayer He didn't answer. I felt so convicted for not being content. I was truly blessed to have 5 healthy little blessings. What did I have to complain about? However, I was relieved that He was making it clear to me what His will was for this area of my life because I had been back and forth about it our whole marriage so far.
I went into labor in the middle of the day. A friend came to sit with the kids and once again, I got to the hospital and my contractions stopped. I told the nurse I probably wasn't that far along and kinda wished I had stayed home a little longer. She checked me and said "Well, it's a good thing you didn't, you're at 7cm". The rest of the labor went really smooth. A rare thing for me. I delivered Hannah in my husband's loving arms and it was the most beautiful experience of my life. I felt like God was just allowing me to finish well. I treasured this gift in my arms thinking it would be my last and wishing I had treasured my others as much. Nursing actually went pretty well and the six week recovery flew by.
This was the start of a very bad habit but it blessed me so much to watch.
I went in for my check up and ended up with a different doctor. The prolapsing was gone. The doctor said she saw no reason to get my tubes tied unless that's what I truly wanted. So, since neither one of us were at peace about it, we didn't and I am so glad.
Hannah Banana was the easiest baby in the world. She was itty bitty and quiet. She continued to drop off the growth chart weighing in at 16 lbs at her one year check up, which of course caused some concern but after many, many tests, she was fine. Just tiny. I'm not sure when everything transitioned but her energy began to reach all new levels that I had never seen before in any of my children. She never was a long sleeper but she seemed to need much, much less then anyone else in the house. By this point I was beginning to think I had this parenting thing down. I was confident that I could train any child to sleep in a big girl bed within 3 days. I was consistent and up until this point, more stubborn and persistent then them. Hannah still doesn't stay in her bed 100% of the time. She still needs less sleep and has more energy then anyone else but after much prayer, many tears, lots of failures, some wins, and lots and lots of consistency and love, I've learned to enjoy her the way she is. I've decided that God has mighty plans for this mighty little girl if she can learn to be obedient to Him. He created her and He knows the plans he has for her and I can trust that they are good. When I begin to lose my patience and feel like she is out of control, it's usually because I'm not spending enough time filling up on God's Word and His love so I'm impatient and out of control. God knows what we need. There have been times on my journey with Hannah that I felt like a complete failure as a mom and was pretty sure I shouldn't have anymore children. Had God asked me I would have refused. I'm so glad he has good plans for me too and even more glad He doesn't always check with me first because I AM a failure as a mom, but ONLY without Him.
One more of that joyful smile, and yes, she cuts her own hair.
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