Thursday, August 5, 2010

Slow Recovery

I wish I could say that I am fully content with my weaknesses but God is sure working on me this week. I've been stuck in bed. I had a new kind of cervical cerclage put in last Friday and the procedure is supposed to hold better but is a little more intense. I cooked meals ahead and froze them, cleaned everything in sight, did all the laundry, and planned out everyone's jobs and duties. I thought, "It'll be ok. I've done this 6 other times before." Well, the company that was supposed to have come and gone showed up the day I got home from the hospital and I thought okay, I've got frozen meals. My husband's work forced him back earlier then expected, my house fell apart, my pride was gone, and for 3 days I felt like I was in labor and was sure I was going to miscarry.

"And he has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness," Most glady, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

As I lay there I thought, I have got to go to the hospital and get checked out but I couldn't imagine even walking to the car because I could barely make it to the bathroom. I wanted peace. I wanted this doctor to tell me that my baby was ok.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7

I began to pray, "God you can give me peace. I'm helpless and scared and I need your peace". The next thing I knew it was the morning. Peace had come in like a river and I slept through the night!!!! The next day my bleeding stopped. I have still had tremendous pain and contractions but the doctor continues to say, "If you're not bleeding I'm not concerned". God has shown both my husband and I that this baby is His will. He has a beautiful plan for our lives that we never thought we wanted and definitely don't deserve. God has shown us so clearly that He wants us to trust Him with everything. Our home, our finances, our every decision, our marriage, and yes, how many children He wants us to have. He's done such a work in our hearts this past week I'm overwhelmed. I've got a burden for the things of the Lord in my family so heavy while I lay in these 4 walls and all I've been able to do is pray. (Like that's not enough, huh) Without the focus of cooking, and laundry, and cleaning, and schooling, and all those things I'm too weak to do, I've learned to pray for my family like I never have before. For Christ's sake, when I'm weak, He is strongest in my life.

When people ask me "How do you do it with that many kids?" my answer has always been that God gives me what I need as I need it. My response used to mean that he gives me the strength and wisdom to take on more but how wrong I was. I can't do this. I am so weak and so fleshly. God has given me everything I need this week from amazing children who rise up and run the house to beautiful women of God, who have gone before me on this road, to care for my children and take care of the physical needs I can't meet right now.

For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so; and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. Romans 8:5-8

I truly desire to please the Lord and bring glory to Him as a wife and a mom. Nothing else really matters and I praise God for showing me so clearly this week and allowing this precious life inside of me to thrive through all of the trauma. I got a visit from my midwife yesterday and we got a good strong heartbeat. Praise the Lord. He truly is good to me.


Aly sun said...

I think that when we fall, we can see more clearly. At our lowest, God can bring things in to perspective. Thank you for sharing your journey to honestly.

Grace said...

Oh dear Season! I had no idea you were ging through such an ordeal. Your sweet and surrendured attitude is so convicting and inspiring. Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help you out. My girls LOVE playing with others so we would never mind a few more!