Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Consumed with baby thoughts

Since the day I found out I was pregnant I have been sick, sick and more sick. I couldn't shake this feeling that I had two little persons growing inside of me. I asked my midwife and she was pretty sure there was only one. My next visit left me even more convinced. I was measuring big and was still super sick. I began to research twin pregnancies and had "All" the signs. So I prayed, "I don't know what this means for my incompetent cervix but Your will be done Lord". When it came time to schedule my appointment for the specialist to do my surgery they wanted to see me right away. I was so anxious to get my ultrasound and confirm my suspicions. Well, I was wrong. The ultrasound tech confirmed that there is definitely one baby. To my surprise this huge "Let down" feeling came over me. I was really disappointed. I was so sure and it was the perfect reason to be so sick. Then the doctor came in. He's a perinatologist. I don't even know what that means exactly and I've never been to this office before but they are really high tech and thorough. He began to describe to me how healthy my baby was. I couldn't repeat it all but something about "Calcium in the nasal passages and low chances of down syndrome". He even told me which ovary my egg came from because there was a huge cyst left there maintaining good levels of hormones for the baby. All this is useless information but I began to feel really thankful as I watched this tiny little heartbeat on the screen and these tiny little legs and feet moving around already. God has blessed me so richly even when I didn't think it's what I needed. I just keep thinking if more Mommy's could see the precious life growing inside of her at such an early stage, maybe some of them would feel this all consuming love I feel right now and choose life.

(If I could figure out how to get the ultrasound pictures on my computer they would be here)


Marcee said...

Oh, Season, I don't know how you cope being sick! I was useless! I remember giving Benjamin cookie after cookie just to make him happy while I was sick with Sammy in utero. My heart and prayers are with you!! Glad you have older kids to help out.

Aly sun said...

Being sick is so hard, especially because it impacts everyone. Add some good ol' fashion guilt on top of it because you CAN'T do so much. I really, really know how that feels.

The dr.s always told me that being sick was such a good indicator of a healthy pregnancy. At first I wanted to hit them, but after losing a pregnancy and seeing others who have, I have to agree. Through the barfing, there is NO wondering. That baby is healthy and happy and this too shall pass.

Grace said...

I love hearing this from you Season! I know that it is so much easier for someone like me on the outside to see how abundantly blessed you are, without having to experience the sickness and tiredness. Praising the Lord for your beautiful little baby and for the joy that He's given you!