Behold children are a gift of the Lord; The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They shall not be ashamed, When they speak with their enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5
Does this mean that one should have as many arrows to fill their quiver as they possibly can? I heard it explained the other day that a warrior needs lots of arrows to fight a battle and living as Christians in this world definitely makes us warriors fighting a battle. But, I also heard it explained that if you have a quiver full of broken arrows then you are defeating your purpose. I do believe that the Lord is fully capable of opening and closing wombs as he pleases and we should seek him for everything in our lives but as far as I can tell the Bible isn't real clear on the subject one way or another.
When I was pregnant with my fifth child the doctor said I had things prolapsing so bad that it would make natural delivery complicated and things would probably get worse after the birth to the point that I would need surgery, preventing me from having any more children, within a few months after. I cried out to the Lord on the way home that day. I didn't feel that my family was complete but knew that I was soooooo blessed already and if God said I was done then He knew better then me and I was OK with that and at peace that it was His will and so thankful He was making it clear.
But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, but the Lord had closed her womb. 1 Samuel 1:5
This was this my easiest and most beautiful birth. At my six week check up I had to see a different doctor. She did the normal exam but said nothing about anything "Prolapsing". When I asked her about it she saw nothing of the sort. "Interesting" I thought.
We still weren't sure as to what the plan was but figured we had some time because I was nursing and didn't usually get pregnant while nursing. Well, it's official, nursing is not a form of birth control for me. Seventeen months later came Elijah. The whole pregnancy thing does not come easy for me. I have a stitch surgically put in my cervix to hold it closed. I battle pre-mature labor often, my babies are usually born at 37 weeks the within a day or so of the stitch coming out and the first few weeks are extremely emotional and overwhelming. Babies born at 37 weeks are considered full term but they would prefer to sleep rather then eat and then they lose weight which makes them sleepier which makes for milk reduction which makes for more weight loss and more sleepiness and the cycle goes on...and as many times as I've gone through it it doesn't get any easier, I am still an emotional wreck, and so overwhelmed I feel I can't survive it one more time.
Well, just as I was feeling like things were getting back to normal I went in for my check up. The baby was actually 8 weeks at this time. You guessed it. I was pregnant putting us at 7. Whoa. Gideon was born 10 months and 1 week after Elijah. Hannah was 2 years and 2 months with 2 baby brothers. So, my husband decided, time for a break. We need to catch up with what we have. Although I was just as overwhelmed as he was this was hard for me. I prayed that God would show me His perfect will for me and He did.
Titus 2:5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.
My husband is a wonderful provider and loves to spend time with his children. I can relate to the pressure of not feeling like there is enough of me to go around. The Lord began to change my heart as I submitted to my husband in this area. It made no sense to have a baby if I couldn't raise the baby to be a warrior for Christ because I was having another baby. So, some time has gone by and I could feel the Lord preparing my heart for another child. I thought, "Okay Lord, someday that sounds great. I'm finally starting to get a handle on the training around here. Just please prepare John's heart first." I knew I was still in His perfect will because John was content with his decision and I respected that. I've learned the hard way that God reveals things to him sometimes that He doesn't share with me or that my heart may be too tender to see. Well, you guessed it. Despite our best efforts to prevent it, I am pregnant. I do know that God has NEVER cursed anyone with a child. They are ALWAYS a blessing from the Lord. I know that it was His perfect will for my life and that there are no barriers too strong for Him (Not even rubber ones!).
In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11
Well, I would love to tell you that my husband jumped for joy and shouted it to the world. This would be the perfect reaction to ease my worries. This would mean that he didn't care about the van that had broken down the day before, or the extra hours he was putting in at work, or the pressures he was already feeling as the head of our household. I would love to tell you that I was completely understanding to his situation and that I didn't take it personal but we are the farthest thing from perfect and trusting the Lord with all of our being is hard. Our flesh gets in the way and we view things from our perspective rather then with God's eyes and eternity. I've gone back and forth from praying for my husband and trying to be understanding (which brings me peace) and becoming self focused and angry (which gives me the opposite of peace). I asked the Lord three time why He did it this way and He clearly responded, "My ways are not your ways".
Since the announcement, my husband has come up with names for a boy or a girl. A couple of days ago he came up to me with our precious little Gideon (now 13 months) and said, "He wasn't in the plan and look at this smile". I sure do love this man and God sure does have a plan for us. Neither of us feel worthy of this high calling, but who are we to question the Lord? My husband doesn't realized it but he is the perfect man for the job. I have survived motherhood so far because of him. We would appreciate your prayers, and an infant seat and some maternity clothes if you have those laying around. I gave mine away.
Here is another link of a post by a woman I admire that has decided with her husband to put it completely in God's hands. She puts it beautifully.