Thursday, April 22, 2010

Homesick

Lately I've been finding so much comfort in God's holy word. I had a friend who often prayed this would happen for me. When she died I wasn't sure if I would survive because I regularly found comfort talking to her. I couldn't imagine my life without her. Her voice still plays in my head sometimes. "Don't even think those thoughts Season." "Remember to be his cheerleader." "Never correct someone who is trying to help you." She taught me to be a better a wife, a better mom, a better friend, a better cook, and a better sewer (I know that should say seamstress but I'm hardly that so I'm calling it a sewer). I was just better because of her but most of all, she taught me to fully rely on my God for everything. To diligently seek Him in His word so I would be lacking nothing I needed for this life.

Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:2-3

There were so many times I can think of where I would turn to her in sorrow and she would immediately open her bible and turn me to Him. One time in particular really sticks out to me. I had reached the "Depths of despair" as Anne of Green Gables calls it, and lied on her couch hopeless. What a sight I'm sure. She sat in the chair next to me and nursed me back to health with scripture for hours! What devotion. I want to be at least half that kind of friend. I want to point everyone I come in contact with to my heavenly Father who heals the deepest of wounds. Who loves unconditionally without fail every time all the time.

When she lay in that hospital bed and they gave her a 5 percent chance of survival I told everyone there that God was going to heal her. I was absolutely sure of it because I knew that she would bring Him so much glory because of it. I knew she would tell everyone how God did what they thought impossible. I knew that He needed her here (As if He needs anything) to continue to glorify Him. I knew that He knew her family needed her and I needed her.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

God knew what would bring Him the most glory. I left the hospital with her daughter that evening planning to go home and freshen up and go right back. She was gone by the time we got home. Never had I felt a blow like this one. This wound was deep and I was sure it would never heal and that I would not survive.

Her funeral had over 700 people attend. She wasn't famous my most peoples standards but she touched peoples lives for the Lord. Everyone she met was touched somehow and this turnout was the result. As I sat in this room full with that many people I felt so alone. I was angry at God. I didn't understand. As the funeral went on and they spoke of her life I began to feel comfort. God's loving arms wrapped around me like I had never felt before. I realized what drew me to her was Him. He shined so brightly in her. I realized that every time I was comforted by her I was actually comforted by Him. The joy in her was His joy. The love in her was His love. He was still there. He was holding her and me at the same time. When all those hands went up to accept the Lord at her funeral I got a small glimpse of what God was doing. Other people were realizing just like me there deep need for Him. She would have gladly given her life knowing that. God did so many amazing things in so many lives that I could see. I can't imagine what He did that I didn't see.




She'd be so happy to know that I'm learning to seek Him for everything. That I'm falling in love with His word. It brings me great comfort and joy that I get to tell her someday.

4 comments:

Our Family Blog said...

I needed this reminder. Beautiful.

Marcee said...

Thank you for your post. It brought tears to my eyes. I was so blessed by her friendship.

Aly sun said...

Crying here. So, so true. I really miss Annie. She was a shining light. Beautifully put and a great encouragement.

padre said...

Finally got around to reading this. Thank you, Season. I appreciate you more than you can know. I know everyone thought they were Annie's best friend, and I also know who Annie called her best friend. I was you.