Since the day I found out I was pregnant I have been sick, sick and more sick. I couldn't shake this feeling that I had two little persons growing inside of me. I asked my midwife and she was pretty sure there was only one. My next visit left me even more convinced. I was measuring big and was still super sick. I began to research twin pregnancies and had "All" the signs. So I prayed, "I don't know what this means for my incompetent cervix but Your will be done Lord". When it came time to schedule my appointment for the specialist to do my surgery they wanted to see me right away. I was so anxious to get my ultrasound and confirm my suspicions. Well, I was wrong. The ultrasound tech confirmed that there is definitely one baby. To my surprise this huge "Let down" feeling came over me. I was really disappointed. I was so sure and it was the perfect reason to be so sick. Then the doctor came in. He's a perinatologist. I don't even know what that means exactly and I've never been to this office before but they are really high tech and thorough. He began to describe to me how healthy my baby was. I couldn't repeat it all but something about "Calcium in the nasal passages and low chances of down syndrome". He even told me which ovary my egg came from because there was a huge cyst left there maintaining good levels of hormones for the baby. All this is useless information but I began to feel really thankful as I watched this tiny little heartbeat on the screen and these tiny little legs and feet moving around already. God has blessed me so richly even when I didn't think it's what I needed. I just keep thinking if more Mommy's could see the precious life growing inside of her at such an early stage, maybe some of them would feel this all consuming love I feel right now and choose life.
(If I could figure out how to get the ultrasound pictures on my computer they would be here)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Pregnant and blessed by the Lord
Behold children are a gift of the Lord; The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They shall not be ashamed, When they speak with their enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5
Does this mean that one should have as many arrows to fill their quiver as they possibly can? I heard it explained the other day that a warrior needs lots of arrows to fight a battle and living as Christians in this world definitely makes us warriors fighting a battle. But, I also heard it explained that if you have a quiver full of broken arrows then you are defeating your purpose. I do believe that the Lord is fully capable of opening and closing wombs as he pleases and we should seek him for everything in our lives but as far as I can tell the Bible isn't real clear on the subject one way or another.
When I was pregnant with my fifth child the doctor said I had things prolapsing so bad that it would make natural delivery complicated and things would probably get worse after the birth to the point that I would need surgery, preventing me from having any more children, within a few months after. I cried out to the Lord on the way home that day. I didn't feel that my family was complete but knew that I was soooooo blessed already and if God said I was done then He knew better then me and I was OK with that and at peace that it was His will and so thankful He was making it clear.
But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, but the Lord had closed her womb. 1 Samuel 1:5
This was this my easiest and most beautiful birth. At my six week check up I had to see a different doctor. She did the normal exam but said nothing about anything "Prolapsing". When I asked her about it she saw nothing of the sort. "Interesting" I thought.
We still weren't sure as to what the plan was but figured we had some time because I was nursing and didn't usually get pregnant while nursing. Well, it's official, nursing is not a form of birth control for me. Seventeen months later came Elijah. The whole pregnancy thing does not come easy for me. I have a stitch surgically put in my cervix to hold it closed. I battle pre-mature labor often, my babies are usually born at 37 weeks the within a day or so of the stitch coming out and the first few weeks are extremely emotional and overwhelming. Babies born at 37 weeks are considered full term but they would prefer to sleep rather then eat and then they lose weight which makes them sleepier which makes for milk reduction which makes for more weight loss and more sleepiness and the cycle goes on...and as many times as I've gone through it it doesn't get any easier, I am still an emotional wreck, and so overwhelmed I feel I can't survive it one more time.
Well, just as I was feeling like things were getting back to normal I went in for my check up. The baby was actually 8 weeks at this time. You guessed it. I was pregnant putting us at 7. Whoa. Gideon was born 10 months and 1 week after Elijah. Hannah was 2 years and 2 months with 2 baby brothers. So, my husband decided, time for a break. We need to catch up with what we have. Although I was just as overwhelmed as he was this was hard for me. I prayed that God would show me His perfect will for me and He did.
Titus 2:5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.
My husband is a wonderful provider and loves to spend time with his children. I can relate to the pressure of not feeling like there is enough of me to go around. The Lord began to change my heart as I submitted to my husband in this area. It made no sense to have a baby if I couldn't raise the baby to be a warrior for Christ because I was having another baby. So, some time has gone by and I could feel the Lord preparing my heart for another child. I thought, "Okay Lord, someday that sounds great. I'm finally starting to get a handle on the training around here. Just please prepare John's heart first." I knew I was still in His perfect will because John was content with his decision and I respected that. I've learned the hard way that God reveals things to him sometimes that He doesn't share with me or that my heart may be too tender to see. Well, you guessed it. Despite our best efforts to prevent it, I am pregnant. I do know that God has NEVER cursed anyone with a child. They are ALWAYS a blessing from the Lord. I know that it was His perfect will for my life and that there are no barriers too strong for Him (Not even rubber ones!).
In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11
Well, I would love to tell you that my husband jumped for joy and shouted it to the world. This would be the perfect reaction to ease my worries. This would mean that he didn't care about the van that had broken down the day before, or the extra hours he was putting in at work, or the pressures he was already feeling as the head of our household. I would love to tell you that I was completely understanding to his situation and that I didn't take it personal but we are the farthest thing from perfect and trusting the Lord with all of our being is hard. Our flesh gets in the way and we view things from our perspective rather then with God's eyes and eternity. I've gone back and forth from praying for my husband and trying to be understanding (which brings me peace) and becoming self focused and angry (which gives me the opposite of peace). I asked the Lord three time why He did it this way and He clearly responded, "My ways are not your ways".
Since the announcement, my husband has come up with names for a boy or a girl. A couple of days ago he came up to me with our precious little Gideon (now 13 months) and said, "He wasn't in the plan and look at this smile". I sure do love this man and God sure does have a plan for us. Neither of us feel worthy of this high calling, but who are we to question the Lord? My husband doesn't realized it but he is the perfect man for the job. I have survived motherhood so far because of him. We would appreciate your prayers, and an infant seat and some maternity clothes if you have those laying around. I gave mine away.
Here is another link of a post by a woman I admire that has decided with her husband to put it completely in God's hands. She puts it beautifully.
Does this mean that one should have as many arrows to fill their quiver as they possibly can? I heard it explained the other day that a warrior needs lots of arrows to fight a battle and living as Christians in this world definitely makes us warriors fighting a battle. But, I also heard it explained that if you have a quiver full of broken arrows then you are defeating your purpose. I do believe that the Lord is fully capable of opening and closing wombs as he pleases and we should seek him for everything in our lives but as far as I can tell the Bible isn't real clear on the subject one way or another.
When I was pregnant with my fifth child the doctor said I had things prolapsing so bad that it would make natural delivery complicated and things would probably get worse after the birth to the point that I would need surgery, preventing me from having any more children, within a few months after. I cried out to the Lord on the way home that day. I didn't feel that my family was complete but knew that I was soooooo blessed already and if God said I was done then He knew better then me and I was OK with that and at peace that it was His will and so thankful He was making it clear.
But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, but the Lord had closed her womb. 1 Samuel 1:5
This was this my easiest and most beautiful birth. At my six week check up I had to see a different doctor. She did the normal exam but said nothing about anything "Prolapsing". When I asked her about it she saw nothing of the sort. "Interesting" I thought.
We still weren't sure as to what the plan was but figured we had some time because I was nursing and didn't usually get pregnant while nursing. Well, it's official, nursing is not a form of birth control for me. Seventeen months later came Elijah. The whole pregnancy thing does not come easy for me. I have a stitch surgically put in my cervix to hold it closed. I battle pre-mature labor often, my babies are usually born at 37 weeks the within a day or so of the stitch coming out and the first few weeks are extremely emotional and overwhelming. Babies born at 37 weeks are considered full term but they would prefer to sleep rather then eat and then they lose weight which makes them sleepier which makes for milk reduction which makes for more weight loss and more sleepiness and the cycle goes on...and as many times as I've gone through it it doesn't get any easier, I am still an emotional wreck, and so overwhelmed I feel I can't survive it one more time.
Well, just as I was feeling like things were getting back to normal I went in for my check up. The baby was actually 8 weeks at this time. You guessed it. I was pregnant putting us at 7. Whoa. Gideon was born 10 months and 1 week after Elijah. Hannah was 2 years and 2 months with 2 baby brothers. So, my husband decided, time for a break. We need to catch up with what we have. Although I was just as overwhelmed as he was this was hard for me. I prayed that God would show me His perfect will for me and He did.
Titus 2:5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.
My husband is a wonderful provider and loves to spend time with his children. I can relate to the pressure of not feeling like there is enough of me to go around. The Lord began to change my heart as I submitted to my husband in this area. It made no sense to have a baby if I couldn't raise the baby to be a warrior for Christ because I was having another baby. So, some time has gone by and I could feel the Lord preparing my heart for another child. I thought, "Okay Lord, someday that sounds great. I'm finally starting to get a handle on the training around here. Just please prepare John's heart first." I knew I was still in His perfect will because John was content with his decision and I respected that. I've learned the hard way that God reveals things to him sometimes that He doesn't share with me or that my heart may be too tender to see. Well, you guessed it. Despite our best efforts to prevent it, I am pregnant. I do know that God has NEVER cursed anyone with a child. They are ALWAYS a blessing from the Lord. I know that it was His perfect will for my life and that there are no barriers too strong for Him (Not even rubber ones!).
In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11
Well, I would love to tell you that my husband jumped for joy and shouted it to the world. This would be the perfect reaction to ease my worries. This would mean that he didn't care about the van that had broken down the day before, or the extra hours he was putting in at work, or the pressures he was already feeling as the head of our household. I would love to tell you that I was completely understanding to his situation and that I didn't take it personal but we are the farthest thing from perfect and trusting the Lord with all of our being is hard. Our flesh gets in the way and we view things from our perspective rather then with God's eyes and eternity. I've gone back and forth from praying for my husband and trying to be understanding (which brings me peace) and becoming self focused and angry (which gives me the opposite of peace). I asked the Lord three time why He did it this way and He clearly responded, "My ways are not your ways".
Since the announcement, my husband has come up with names for a boy or a girl. A couple of days ago he came up to me with our precious little Gideon (now 13 months) and said, "He wasn't in the plan and look at this smile". I sure do love this man and God sure does have a plan for us. Neither of us feel worthy of this high calling, but who are we to question the Lord? My husband doesn't realized it but he is the perfect man for the job. I have survived motherhood so far because of him. We would appreciate your prayers, and an infant seat and some maternity clothes if you have those laying around. I gave mine away.
Here is another link of a post by a woman I admire that has decided with her husband to put it completely in God's hands. She puts it beautifully.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Counter Productive
"Make all negative behavior counter productive". What does this mean? I've read it a hundred times but I don't know if I was fully getting it until recently. Nathan (My almost 11 year old) says "It's like football, they've been on the offensive and us on the defense and they are about to make a touchdown. Our little ones out number the big people in the house right now. Up until recently it felt like they were beginning to take over. After, many nights crying out to God, reading my bible daily, and devouring anything on biblical child training I could get my hands on I think I'm finally getting it. I've always firmly believed in spanking my children for rebellion and foolishness. I always attempt to explain to them why they are being disciplined and give them lots of hugs and affirmation when we're done. That's counter productive for them right? I thought so, but why is it not stopping them from having the same undesirable behavior again and again. So, we've kicked it up a notch. I think we used to be really good at this but lost our way amongst the chaos.
The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29:15
So, now we ask ourselves. What is my child trying to achieve by acting this way and then, in addition to the spanking we give them the opposite. Examples below but first...
Enter, Hannah.
Calling this precious, 20 lb, 3 year old a handful would be an understatement. Besides having an energy level unlike anything I've ever seen before, she has a physical strength that exceeds her physical appearance by far. Add 2 baby brothers to her first 2 years and 2 months of life and an overwhelmed mommy, you have one hard to manage child. I've potty trained her 3 times. It took almost 2 years to train her to stay in a bed (The rest of the kids less then a week). I could go on but you get the point. Don't get me wrong. I love this little girl with all of my being. She is the sweetest little thing and the greatest big sister. She gives the best hugs and has the sweetest smile on her face 95% of the day...
Sunday (Mother's Day): We went to the park after dinner as a family and had a great time. It began to get a little chilly so as my husband finished up an intense game of tag (I love this man), I took the little ones to the car. Hannah proceeds to throw herself on the parking lot ground in protest of leaving the park before "She" was finished. I spanked her to no avail. So, I picked her up and placed her in her car seat. It took all of my physical strength to buckle this child in her seat. Normally this would throw me into despair crying all the way home to my husband. Not this time. (My husband is great at encouraging me in these times and the best teammate to have but I'm convinced that my new found energy for my family is a result of filling up on God's precious word consistently. Read Psalm 119). But, I also had a trick play she wasn't aware of. Her hopes in throwing a fit was to stay at the park or at least make us miserable for not granting her wish. Not only did I give her no emotion whatsoever for her little display but I calmly said, "Okay Hannah, you are not going to play next time we come to the park". She paused for a moment and then decided that wasn't so bad cause when would we really go to the park again and Mom will forget by then anyway. And so she continued. All the way home.
Monday (The next day): After dinner I tell everyone to get their shoes on we're going to the park. Shouts of joy from everyone! We get there and I pull out the stroller, explain to Hannah that she won't be playing because she refused to get in her car seat the day before and strapped her in. I parked her next to the playground and we all had a good time.
This was not enjoyable for me but because I love her I cannot allow these fits to continue. I know many adults, who live their lives exercising they're self will, constantly self indulging with no thought to consequences on them or those they love. And as a woman who, in my flesh can throw a great big fit when I don't get my way knows, this is not something she will grow out of on her own. I want her to learn to yield her will to do mighty things for God someday. So, as we are leaving the park I say, "Okay Hannah, get right in your seat so you can play next time". She excitedly agrees and gets right in the car but, noticing something on the floor does not get in her seat. So, I say again (which I shouldn't have done because I'm trying to mean what I say and say what I mean), "Hannah, get in you seat or you are going to lose play time next time too". I put the stroller in the trunk and come back to her climbing all over the van. "Okay, you lost your play time next time too." Fit #2 begins. Which proves that she's starting to believe me but still undesirable behavior. Same scenario as the day before. I physically put her in her seat.
Tuesday: Back to the park. Pull the stroller out. We all play in the freezing cold while she watches. Time to leave, I say, "Okay, do you want to play next time?". She nods, gets out of the stroller and climbs into her seat and buckles herself! I didn't even know she could do that! I excitedly affirm her good behavior.
Wednesday: Back to the park. Nice weather. Friends come. We have dinner. Hannah plays and plays. Time to leave and she gets right in her seat!!!
This was victory enough for me but I have not had one problem with her getting in her car seat since! Everywhere we go and every time we leave to come home she happily gets right in! Not only am I a happier Mommy in these situations but she's happy too! Some of you might be saying, "That's a lot of work". Yes, but she already was a lot of work but now it's a lot less work to go somewhere.
The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29:15
So, now we ask ourselves. What is my child trying to achieve by acting this way and then, in addition to the spanking we give them the opposite. Examples below but first...
Enter, Hannah.
Calling this precious, 20 lb, 3 year old a handful would be an understatement. Besides having an energy level unlike anything I've ever seen before, she has a physical strength that exceeds her physical appearance by far. Add 2 baby brothers to her first 2 years and 2 months of life and an overwhelmed mommy, you have one hard to manage child. I've potty trained her 3 times. It took almost 2 years to train her to stay in a bed (The rest of the kids less then a week). I could go on but you get the point. Don't get me wrong. I love this little girl with all of my being. She is the sweetest little thing and the greatest big sister. She gives the best hugs and has the sweetest smile on her face 95% of the day...
Sunday (Mother's Day): We went to the park after dinner as a family and had a great time. It began to get a little chilly so as my husband finished up an intense game of tag (I love this man), I took the little ones to the car. Hannah proceeds to throw herself on the parking lot ground in protest of leaving the park before "She" was finished. I spanked her to no avail. So, I picked her up and placed her in her car seat. It took all of my physical strength to buckle this child in her seat. Normally this would throw me into despair crying all the way home to my husband. Not this time. (My husband is great at encouraging me in these times and the best teammate to have but I'm convinced that my new found energy for my family is a result of filling up on God's precious word consistently. Read Psalm 119). But, I also had a trick play she wasn't aware of. Her hopes in throwing a fit was to stay at the park or at least make us miserable for not granting her wish. Not only did I give her no emotion whatsoever for her little display but I calmly said, "Okay Hannah, you are not going to play next time we come to the park". She paused for a moment and then decided that wasn't so bad cause when would we really go to the park again and Mom will forget by then anyway. And so she continued. All the way home.
Monday (The next day): After dinner I tell everyone to get their shoes on we're going to the park. Shouts of joy from everyone! We get there and I pull out the stroller, explain to Hannah that she won't be playing because she refused to get in her car seat the day before and strapped her in. I parked her next to the playground and we all had a good time.
This was not enjoyable for me but because I love her I cannot allow these fits to continue. I know many adults, who live their lives exercising they're self will, constantly self indulging with no thought to consequences on them or those they love. And as a woman who, in my flesh can throw a great big fit when I don't get my way knows, this is not something she will grow out of on her own. I want her to learn to yield her will to do mighty things for God someday. So, as we are leaving the park I say, "Okay Hannah, get right in your seat so you can play next time". She excitedly agrees and gets right in the car but, noticing something on the floor does not get in her seat. So, I say again (which I shouldn't have done because I'm trying to mean what I say and say what I mean), "Hannah, get in you seat or you are going to lose play time next time too". I put the stroller in the trunk and come back to her climbing all over the van. "Okay, you lost your play time next time too." Fit #2 begins. Which proves that she's starting to believe me but still undesirable behavior. Same scenario as the day before. I physically put her in her seat.
Tuesday: Back to the park. Pull the stroller out. We all play in the freezing cold while she watches. Time to leave, I say, "Okay, do you want to play next time?". She nods, gets out of the stroller and climbs into her seat and buckles herself! I didn't even know she could do that! I excitedly affirm her good behavior.
Wednesday: Back to the park. Nice weather. Friends come. We have dinner. Hannah plays and plays. Time to leave and she gets right in her seat!!!
This was victory enough for me but I have not had one problem with her getting in her car seat since! Everywhere we go and every time we leave to come home she happily gets right in! Not only am I a happier Mommy in these situations but she's happy too! Some of you might be saying, "That's a lot of work". Yes, but she already was a lot of work but now it's a lot less work to go somewhere.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Nine Years!!!!
For some that might not seem like that long. And I hope I can look back someday (like on our 50th anniversary) and say the same. But today, it seems like a huge accomplishment. Our God is so good. I could never fully express what He's done in our lives but we've sure had to rely on Him. On our own, we won't make it. With Him, nothing is impossible.
We met at my cousin Angela's house. Her and her husband were showing me Christ by the the way they lived their lives and the way that they loved me. As a result I had to have this Christ in my life too. The changes God was doing in me were so fast that it was overwhelming at times. I was pregnant with my second child, alone, and just trying to survive. They would drive 45 minutes to pick me up for dinner on the weekends and then go to the Saturday night church service with them. John would frequently go for dinner and church also. It was a lot different then the Saturday nights I was used to for sure. I didn't notice him at first but he was so gentle and kind. I remember telling my cousin, "He'll make someone a great husband one day". She agreed knowing how he felt about me but said nothing. Everyone was just giving me time to heal from my past and grow in the Lord.
He began to spend time with Nathan (about 1 1/2 at the time) like I had never seen anyone spend with him before. He would play for hours and Nathan just soaked it up. I loved sitting back and watching. Partly because I was so cautious of men but mostly because I just enjoyed the break. My belly was ever growing with baby number 2 and I was just plain tired being from a single mom.
Melaina was born January 16, 2001 at 4:00 a.m. Angela brought me a Christmas moose from John. Said he had asked her to give it to me. I was very confused by this gift. Was it for the baby or me? Why a Christmas moose? What did it mean. (I still haven't figured that one out Babe, if you're reading this) I realized I kinda missed him. Not that I hoped he'd come to the hospital and see me like that but I began to wonder, "Why do I care?". I had pledged to be alone for the rest of my life and focus on these children God had so graciously gifted me with.
I recovered for a couple of weeks but couldn't wait to get back to church. My apartment was so lonely. I had walked away from all of my old friends and worked at home on the computer so the only adult contact I got was on the weekends when they'd come pick us up for church. It seemed like every sermon was just for me. I had this plaque hanging in my bathroom and the first scripture on it was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." I had to learn more about this God who could give someone like me a future and hope. I knew I didn't deserve it but I sure wanted it for my children who didn't ask for any of this.
One weekend, we were there like usual and I was very overwhelmed with my two babies. Nathan was acting out since the new baby and I had to take him into the bedroom to deal with it. While I was in there I heard the baby wake up and begin to cry. I just fell on the bed in total defeat and begged the Lord to help me. I knew I had put myself in this position but this was too much. I begged him to make her stop crying. She instantly stopped. "Wow Lord! Thank you!" I cried. I composed myself and went back out to the living room and found John asleep with Melaina sleeping on his chest. I thought this was an interesting answer to my prayer. This man I had hardly said more than a few words to seemed to love this precious little baby.
Angela called me a few weeks later and asked if it would be okay if John picked us up for church because they were going out of town but didn't really want us to miss it. I said "Sure". He came and I wasn't quite ready to go so he came in and started helping get the kids ready. "Wow Lord!" I thought, "These Christian guys are sure helpful and serving". We got into the car and I had to move the box of Sees Candy out of my way to sit down. "He likes Sees too," I thought, "Should I ask him for a piece?". "Don't you want it?" he asked. I didn't even realize it was for me. I was so oblivious to his feelings for me. I never thought he could ever care about someone as messed up as me. I didn't feel worthy of love. We talked and talked and talked the whole way there. He carried my babies through the nursery without a care of what people might think. I was intrigued with this man to say the least. On the way home he said he needed to share something with me so that I had all the information and wasn't surprised later. "Oh no," I thought. "There is something wrong with him. He is too good to be true." He shared that he had been in prison a few years prior and found the Lord there. He said God had changed him and he wasn't that man anymore but thought I needed to know. I was again amazed by this God who changed people like this. John thought this would scare me away but it drew me to him. To the God in him that could do such miracles. I knew he wasn't that man anymore. I had seen him with my precious children whom I would protect with my life! He said, "Do me a favor. Go home and read Jeremiah 29:11." I knew I had heard that somewhere but couldn't remember so I said "Okay".
I sat on the toilet that night (sorry for the graphics) and looked up at my plaque. It read, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 No way! This God really was amazing. "Why am I feeling all these things Lord! I'm so scared. I don't want to be hurt ever again." (I'm still learning more each day how to trust him with this)
April 28, 2001 we were married. We danced the night away with our children and then went to a hotel close by because I was still nursing Melaina. She was 3 months old by this time and had never taken a bottle but I figured since it was my honeymoon she'd have to. She said no to the sitter all night long and we had to go pick her up. She joined us on our honeymoon for the rest of the weekend. And so our marriage began. I brought 2 kids and lots and lots of luggage through that door. The chaos hasn't ever ended and we're still decluttering some of that luggage. Seven children and nine years, there's never a dull moment.
(This is him dancing and singing to Hannah, baby number 5, like he does with all of them at this age. He would do this to put her to sleep so I could get extra rest. He still has a way of lulling her to sleep which if you know Hannah you know this is quite the skill.)
I used to think that this was a very unhealthy way to start out. I guess it is in a way but God can make beauty from ashes for sure. Recently our Pastor challenged us to remember what first drew us to each other. What qualities did the other person have that made us want them. I felt so guilty for being drawn to him for the way he played with Nathan and held my baby that day but then John said he was drawn to the type of mother I was to them also. He loved how I would load them up in the stroller and walk miles to get what we needed from the store. (Most men would call the baggage honey but that is why I love you so much.) He said he knew when he met me that I was the wife he'd been praying for. I was 4 months pregnant at that time. He said I was beautiful and he couldn't tell until I turned around anyway. (I've gained a few since then but he doesn't mind) I didn't feel I deserved a man like this and I still don't. He is the husband I never could have dreamed of and the best daddy in the world. I fall more in love him everyday. I love him more now then ever before. This weekend we are going away for our anniversary! It's the first time I haven't been pregnant or nursing in eight years.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Homesick
Lately I've been finding so much comfort in God's holy word. I had a friend who often prayed this would happen for me. When she died I wasn't sure if I would survive because I regularly found comfort talking to her. I couldn't imagine my life without her. Her voice still plays in my head sometimes. "Don't even think those thoughts Season." "Remember to be his cheerleader." "Never correct someone who is trying to help you." She taught me to be a better a wife, a better mom, a better friend, a better cook, and a better sewer (I know that should say seamstress but I'm hardly that so I'm calling it a sewer). I was just better because of her but most of all, she taught me to fully rely on my God for everything. To diligently seek Him in His word so I would be lacking nothing I needed for this life.
Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:2-3
There were so many times I can think of where I would turn to her in sorrow and she would immediately open her bible and turn me to Him. One time in particular really sticks out to me. I had reached the "Depths of despair" as Anne of Green Gables calls it, and lied on her couch hopeless. What a sight I'm sure. She sat in the chair next to me and nursed me back to health with scripture for hours! What devotion. I want to be at least half that kind of friend. I want to point everyone I come in contact with to my heavenly Father who heals the deepest of wounds. Who loves unconditionally without fail every time all the time.
When she lay in that hospital bed and they gave her a 5 percent chance of survival I told everyone there that God was going to heal her. I was absolutely sure of it because I knew that she would bring Him so much glory because of it. I knew she would tell everyone how God did what they thought impossible. I knew that He needed her here (As if He needs anything) to continue to glorify Him. I knew that He knew her family needed her and I needed her.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
God knew what would bring Him the most glory. I left the hospital with her daughter that evening planning to go home and freshen up and go right back. She was gone by the time we got home. Never had I felt a blow like this one. This wound was deep and I was sure it would never heal and that I would not survive.
Her funeral had over 700 people attend. She wasn't famous my most peoples standards but she touched peoples lives for the Lord. Everyone she met was touched somehow and this turnout was the result. As I sat in this room full with that many people I felt so alone. I was angry at God. I didn't understand. As the funeral went on and they spoke of her life I began to feel comfort. God's loving arms wrapped around me like I had never felt before. I realized what drew me to her was Him. He shined so brightly in her. I realized that every time I was comforted by her I was actually comforted by Him. The joy in her was His joy. The love in her was His love. He was still there. He was holding her and me at the same time. When all those hands went up to accept the Lord at her funeral I got a small glimpse of what God was doing. Other people were realizing just like me there deep need for Him. She would have gladly given her life knowing that. God did so many amazing things in so many lives that I could see. I can't imagine what He did that I didn't see.
She'd be so happy to know that I'm learning to seek Him for everything. That I'm falling in love with His word. It brings me great comfort and joy that I get to tell her someday.
Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:2-3
There were so many times I can think of where I would turn to her in sorrow and she would immediately open her bible and turn me to Him. One time in particular really sticks out to me. I had reached the "Depths of despair" as Anne of Green Gables calls it, and lied on her couch hopeless. What a sight I'm sure. She sat in the chair next to me and nursed me back to health with scripture for hours! What devotion. I want to be at least half that kind of friend. I want to point everyone I come in contact with to my heavenly Father who heals the deepest of wounds. Who loves unconditionally without fail every time all the time.
When she lay in that hospital bed and they gave her a 5 percent chance of survival I told everyone there that God was going to heal her. I was absolutely sure of it because I knew that she would bring Him so much glory because of it. I knew she would tell everyone how God did what they thought impossible. I knew that He needed her here (As if He needs anything) to continue to glorify Him. I knew that He knew her family needed her and I needed her.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
God knew what would bring Him the most glory. I left the hospital with her daughter that evening planning to go home and freshen up and go right back. She was gone by the time we got home. Never had I felt a blow like this one. This wound was deep and I was sure it would never heal and that I would not survive.
Her funeral had over 700 people attend. She wasn't famous my most peoples standards but she touched peoples lives for the Lord. Everyone she met was touched somehow and this turnout was the result. As I sat in this room full with that many people I felt so alone. I was angry at God. I didn't understand. As the funeral went on and they spoke of her life I began to feel comfort. God's loving arms wrapped around me like I had never felt before. I realized what drew me to her was Him. He shined so brightly in her. I realized that every time I was comforted by her I was actually comforted by Him. The joy in her was His joy. The love in her was His love. He was still there. He was holding her and me at the same time. When all those hands went up to accept the Lord at her funeral I got a small glimpse of what God was doing. Other people were realizing just like me there deep need for Him. She would have gladly given her life knowing that. God did so many amazing things in so many lives that I could see. I can't imagine what He did that I didn't see.
She'd be so happy to know that I'm learning to seek Him for everything. That I'm falling in love with His word. It brings me great comfort and joy that I get to tell her someday.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Clarified Butter
We've all been craving carbs lately. Holly said it's because we're not eating enough good fat (butter, coconut oil, etc...). Not everything goes well with coconut oil and olive oil loses a lot of it's nutrition when heated at high temperatures but Melaina, Elijah, and Gideon can't have butter. I've heard of clarified butter (also known as ghee) before but wasn't sure how to make it. I guess by cooking it down you can take the lactose and things out of the butter and only leave the oil which is the nutritious part. I found a recipe and with Holly's help, I tried it. It worked great! Melaina didn't throw up or even get a stomach ache. She can have butter!!! We made nut pancakes this morning loaded with butter. She was pretty excited.
No, it will not make you fat. It's good fat your body actually needs and knows what to do with. I was just reading that back in the day mothers would sell their cream from their farms to make extra cash because it was high in demand but their children were malnourished. I don't want my children to be malnourished so I'm going to feed my children lots of real butter and other things with good fat. Not margarine that the cockroaches and ants won't even eat.
No, it will not make you fat. It's good fat your body actually needs and knows what to do with. I was just reading that back in the day mothers would sell their cream from their farms to make extra cash because it was high in demand but their children were malnourished. I don't want my children to be malnourished so I'm going to feed my children lots of real butter and other things with good fat. Not margarine that the cockroaches and ants won't even eat.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Weekly Menu 1
I've had some comments asking to share recipes I'm using as I learn knew things about Health. I used to pride myself on making the yummiest food possible without any thought to the nutritional value of the food I was placing before my family. I love to hear "This is really good Mommy. Can we have this again sometime?" (My wonderful husband thankfully eats whatever I make which I really appreciate but since I like him so much I'd like to keep him healthy too.) Melaina's allergies eliminated most of our recipes. No more cream of whatever soups or seasoning packets. Cheese seemed to make everything better but she couldn't have that either.
I've posted a little already about some of the things we're discovering she can have. They're all called living foods because they have live microorganisms (good bacteria) that is nourishing and healing to our bodies. However, they don't all taste as good as they are. So, as part of my quest for better health for my family, I've started a new recipe binder with my oldest daughter. She received this really neat scrapbook style cookbook for Christmas and as we find nourishing recipes that actually taste good we add them to the binder. I'm so new to this but I'll share what I have so far.
I've decided to make the same meals every week until we get this new style of cooking down. Properly preparing foods that our bodies can digest takes a little more planning and preparing so I'm going to stick with this plan until we get it down and then maybe we'll try adding a little more variety.
MONDAY
Breakfast: Soaked oatmeal sweetened with agave nectar and dried fruit)
Lunch: Loaded Baked Potatoes
Dinner: Taco Salad or Black Bean Chicken Burritos with Soaked whole wheat tortillas (cut extra lettuce for Tuesday)
TUESDAY
Breakfast: Kefir smoothies and nuts?
Lunch: Leftover taco salad
Dinner: Rosemary Chicken (Make bone stock (super healing to the body)out of the carcasses and cutting veggies for the soup or soaking beans for chili Wednesday) with smashed potatoes, gravy and Salad (cut the night before)(Also soak oatmeal for Wednesday)
WEDNESDAY
Breakfast: Soaked Oatmeal Bake
Lunch and Dinner: Soup or Chicken Chili made out of the left over chicken and stock) with bread (soak rice in rice cooker for Thursday making sure there’s extra for fried rice on Friday)
THURSDAY
Breakfast: Kefir smoothies and peanut butter toast?
Lunch: Left over soup or Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwiches
Dinner: Stir Fry (alternating chicken and beef) (Also cutting veggies for egg bake and pizza Friday)
FRIDAY
Breakfast: Veggie egg bake (prepared the night before) and fruit
Lunch: Fried Rice
Dinner: Homemade Pizza
SATURDAY
Breakfast: Big breakfast (making leftovers for Sunday)
Lunch: Leftover pizza and salad with lots of raw veggies
Dinner: Variety day (trying new recipes or Daddy cooks)
SUNDAY
Breakfast: Left over breakfast from Saturday or peanut butter toast
Lunch: Kefir smoothie and salad
Dinner: Steak, potatoes, and salad
(Soak beans, rice, and oatmeal for Monday)
Snacks: kefir smoothie; fruit; raw veggies; cheese
I purchase one box of organic grass fed beef a month, and hormone and antibiotic free whole chickens. Free range would be better but I haven't worked it into the budget yet. I buy organic, omega 3 eggs, or farm fresh when I can. I buy mostly organic produce because I don't like genetically modified food or pesticides going into my children's fragile little bodies. I make all of my sauces including my own taco seasoning from scratch because everything at the store seems to have preservatives that are hard for our bodies to digest. Properly preparing our food and only putting in nourishing food allows our bodies to do what God intended them to do, use what it needs, and discharge the rest building our immune systems at the same time. I know I could use a few less fat storage's on my body and some more energy. How about you?
I will be posting recipes separately if you let me know which ones you want. To learn how to properly soak your grains I like Nourishing Gourmet and Kelly the kitchen Kop.
After reading over this I know it seems like a lot of extra work but it's really not. As I make adjustments here and there it's ended up being about the same on the food budget because I make everything from scratch and I always have the kids helping me in the kitchen. They've learned so much that they can prepare a meal themselves if I need them to. The best part is I have so much peace and joy as I serve these things to my family.
I've posted a little already about some of the things we're discovering she can have. They're all called living foods because they have live microorganisms (good bacteria) that is nourishing and healing to our bodies. However, they don't all taste as good as they are. So, as part of my quest for better health for my family, I've started a new recipe binder with my oldest daughter. She received this really neat scrapbook style cookbook for Christmas and as we find nourishing recipes that actually taste good we add them to the binder. I'm so new to this but I'll share what I have so far.
I've decided to make the same meals every week until we get this new style of cooking down. Properly preparing foods that our bodies can digest takes a little more planning and preparing so I'm going to stick with this plan until we get it down and then maybe we'll try adding a little more variety.
MONDAY
Breakfast: Soaked oatmeal sweetened with agave nectar and dried fruit)
Lunch: Loaded Baked Potatoes
Dinner: Taco Salad or Black Bean Chicken Burritos with Soaked whole wheat tortillas (cut extra lettuce for Tuesday)
TUESDAY
Breakfast: Kefir smoothies and nuts?
Lunch: Leftover taco salad
Dinner: Rosemary Chicken (Make bone stock (super healing to the body)out of the carcasses and cutting veggies for the soup or soaking beans for chili Wednesday) with smashed potatoes, gravy and Salad (cut the night before)(Also soak oatmeal for Wednesday)
WEDNESDAY
Breakfast: Soaked Oatmeal Bake
Lunch and Dinner: Soup or Chicken Chili made out of the left over chicken and stock) with bread (soak rice in rice cooker for Thursday making sure there’s extra for fried rice on Friday)
THURSDAY
Breakfast: Kefir smoothies and peanut butter toast?
Lunch: Left over soup or Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwiches
Dinner: Stir Fry (alternating chicken and beef) (Also cutting veggies for egg bake and pizza Friday)
FRIDAY
Breakfast: Veggie egg bake (prepared the night before) and fruit
Lunch: Fried Rice
Dinner: Homemade Pizza
SATURDAY
Breakfast: Big breakfast (making leftovers for Sunday)
Lunch: Leftover pizza and salad with lots of raw veggies
Dinner: Variety day (trying new recipes or Daddy cooks)
SUNDAY
Breakfast: Left over breakfast from Saturday or peanut butter toast
Lunch: Kefir smoothie and salad
Dinner: Steak, potatoes, and salad
(Soak beans, rice, and oatmeal for Monday)
Snacks: kefir smoothie; fruit; raw veggies; cheese
I purchase one box of organic grass fed beef a month, and hormone and antibiotic free whole chickens. Free range would be better but I haven't worked it into the budget yet. I buy organic, omega 3 eggs, or farm fresh when I can. I buy mostly organic produce because I don't like genetically modified food or pesticides going into my children's fragile little bodies. I make all of my sauces including my own taco seasoning from scratch because everything at the store seems to have preservatives that are hard for our bodies to digest. Properly preparing our food and only putting in nourishing food allows our bodies to do what God intended them to do, use what it needs, and discharge the rest building our immune systems at the same time. I know I could use a few less fat storage's on my body and some more energy. How about you?
I will be posting recipes separately if you let me know which ones you want. To learn how to properly soak your grains I like Nourishing Gourmet and Kelly the kitchen Kop.
After reading over this I know it seems like a lot of extra work but it's really not. As I make adjustments here and there it's ended up being about the same on the food budget because I make everything from scratch and I always have the kids helping me in the kitchen. They've learned so much that they can prepare a meal themselves if I need them to. The best part is I have so much peace and joy as I serve these things to my family.
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